Thursday, October 31, 2013

How to Get Him or Her to DATE You AGAIN!

How to Ensure They Want To See You AGAIN and AGAIN!

Did you know, the average person does not even land ONE date PER YEAR (Rachel Ray show)? So if you're doing more than that you're doing better than average!

What if you're getting the dates but they don't call for seconds? let alone thirds, etc.?  Why doesn't that sweet girl or cute guy call again?  Watching your mobile every second, waiting and wondering if they will call again?



Why do some people get recurring dates and more, even when they seemingly have less to offer? What's their secret weapon? What's behind their (puzzling to you) allure?

What are you doing that's wrong or that's sending out the wrong messages? And what can you do to correct this? How can you make yourself irresistible so that they want to SEE YOU again and again?


Dating Mistakes to Avoid or Watch:


Interviewing and Interrogating, Maybe Even Inquisitioning?
This happens frequently. Ever been in the situation where you are approached for a date but you get put off because you feel like you're on an (Job?) Interview when you meet up?  And if you're the one who does the interviewing, even digitally, before you can meet up physically, you can be sure you will end up dateless - over and over again! It's just too easy to quiz someone relentlessy on online, dating sites, but that is counter-productive to dating success, which is meeting someone who wants and is suited for a romantic partnership with you that suits you both.
It doesn't matter if you are a woman or man, both genders are guilty of this mistake, interviewing your dates as if you're a job recuritment agency!
The best way to find out more about your dates is to ask open-ended questions (eg. what are your favourite ways of chilling out or what kind of music do you like?) and then give them the space to say as much or as little as they feel comfortable with. Avoid highly personal questions - save that for later, when you know them better or more importantly, when they know you better and can feel safe about sharing such information with you.
If you're the one who's doing the talking, make sure not to gush it all out, save some 'stories' for the next date! And whet their intrigue for you...
What's Your "Type"? - What or who are you attracted to? You're putting them on a backfoot, NOT a question to ask! Besides there are always exceptions to the rule. They may have a type in mind but sometimes Cupid may completely ignore all this when shooting his little love-arrows.
What's Your Relationship Status? - Ditto! Hey, you're just touching base on your first date; they're not making marriage designs even if the same could not be said of the other party?

Do You Want Kids? - They might be fantastic "parent material" or get clucky later even if they show no interest now, but this will surely freak them out at this early stage.
If this was mentioned prematurely it could bring up thoughts about "child support" issues if your date happens to be in a bachelor / bachelorette mode and are not ready to settle down yet. It is wise and responsible to think about these issues BEFORE you become intimately involved. These days women could be just as liable for child support as much as guys. And many are career-focused, so it's not strategic to broach this topic during early dating.

Coming On So Strong:

Focus on "how you show love" rather than the intensity of love (avoid the "coma" story - loving the person even when they are in a coma!) Sure that will happen if love is strong enough and commendable in those couples that exhibit that but this is not the time to discuss such stories. It's way too intense! Go with the (easy) flow if you want more!

How you show love could be eg., by holding hands or giving hugs, cooking their favourite foods, etc., doing little random acts of kindness, giving emotional support where you can't help them outright, etc.


Sending Out Negative Body Language:

Avoid crossed arms, leaning away, crossed legs, your body pointing away (cf belly button cue) etc. These subtly and sometimes not so subtly, send signals that you're not into them, because body language screams out their signals loudly to other people even if they are inaudible to you. Often these people themselves don't exactly know how it happens but they do 'feel' the message, a case of their intuitive 'sixth sense' coming into play, unsurprising as non-verbal communication is a large part of our total communication (more than 50%), more so than audible verbal messages (20-30%)!

Belly button cue: Your belly button has to point towards the point of interest. Not away! This is just another part of your body that will reinforce other body-language messages whether they are positive or negative, so make sure all your non-verbal signals are congruent and positive with what you're saying (or not saying) if you wish to see your dates again.

It is not just women who are sensitive to body-language signals although they tend to decipher it faster and more accurately than men because they are by nature, more sensitive and intuitive, especially older women who already have children. That is not surprising when you think about how brilliantly mothers understand their babies long before they utter their first baby words (and without any prior 'maternal training' at that!).

SUMMARY:

When you're on your first date, keep it light, keep it fun and friendly, and keep it positive if you want to score another date! You have to build a friendship before you can build anything else can be said about dating as with other liaisons, business or otherwise.

Conversely, you can use these telltale signs and tips to gauge whether or not he or she is into you, when you meet your dates. Just remember they will probably be doing the same thing when they meet you, wittingly or not - it's human nature!

Last but not least, conclude the date and leave when you're both on a high note! This leaves everyone in a good place, with warm thoughts and memories to reflect on when they have a quiet moment to think about you (as they surely will if your date or meetup went well) and more importantly, leave them wanting more of the same with you... maybe even sooner than you expected!

To sum up, strategically, your role is to create a good impression and win over the date that interests you so HE calls again  (or SHE sees you again). For best results do this without compromising your sincerity or belief systems while also fully respecting your date. This may require some help but very worthwhile for your Love Life in the long run.