Let me ask you something: does meeting quality women on a REGULAR basis feel like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack? If you’re like most guys, you’ve probably gone down the beaten path known as “Hitting The Clubs”.
You know what I’m talking about: you and your buddies head to the nearest bar, have a few drinks, and wait for a group of eligible ladies to come your way. Some seduction experts use these venues as their so-called “training grounds” to get their pupils’ feet wet. The eager hopefuls proceed to test their newly-learned skills on the unsuspecting female population.
Although this seems like a sound plan, the women at these places are already EXPECTING to be approached during the night (especially the hot ones!). Then, there’s the possibility of running into a girl who happens to take pleasure in shooting down guys’ ego. If you’re lucky enough to meet one of these she-devils in disguise, well…don’t say I didn’t warn you.
This is probably why the most obvious choice ISN’T always the most effective one. I mean sure, approaching several strangers in one night will help you get over your fear of interaction. However, this is NOT the only way to meet women and you shouldn’t limit your options to this familiar route. I want you to step back and look at the big picture.
LIFE in general is just BUZZING with opportunity. There’s more than one path to success, so you should get used to changing your sails if the prevalent winds aren’t in your favor. It may make you feel uncomfortable to try a different, unfamiliar approach to getting what you want, but this is a GOOD thing. Being uncomfortable means you’re leaving your safe, secure little zone of comfort and doing something NEW. This means you’re evolving as a person, gathering valuable experience and LEARNING new things in the process. So repeat after me: DISCOMFORT IS GOOD.
THIS is the mindset you should have when getting into dating. Maybe you’re thinking ALL the hot women hang out in the same places. Well, that’s a big negative. It may come as a big surprise to you that NOT all gorgeous and brainy women (read: the ones you’re after) are packed like lemmings in bars or nightclubs. Wouldn’t it be nice to meet a nice girl WITHOUT the pre-packaged pressure that comes with the usual places?
Think about it: there’s already a heavy context involved with walking up to a woman in a bar. Like it or not, but a lot of movies and TV shows have caused us to permanently associate these places with picking up women. I mean, they’ve practically ETCHED that notion into our collective consciousness…chances are you’re already broadcasting TOO much interest before you’ve even opened your mouth. Thus, I’d like to talk about the backdoor to the world of seduction.
Luckily, these alternate paths to meeting women aren’t some big secret. They’re in plain sight and all you need is to BROADEN your perspective on things. For instance, your FRIENDS are an often overlooked avenue to dating bliss. I’m not talking about rounding up the boys for a night out on the town, but rather your overall SOCIAL CIRCLE. This includes, colleagues, high school/college buddies, co-workers and so on.
Just think that you’re smack-dab in the middle of a very LARGE web of people who in turn have “webs” of their own. This is a vast field of opportunities that’s just waiting to be tapped. I’d bet you that a sizeable chunk of these people happen to be (or know) women who fit your preferences. This is where the expression “all the good women are taken” fizzles into the sweet reality of ABUNDANCE. In other words, quality women are hardly in short supply my friend. There are a lot of advantages to be had from taking this route.
First of all, your friends can provide the social proofing which you would have to build on you own in a different setting. Having a friend to introduce you to a promising candidate is a great way to be pre-qualified without having to open your mouth!
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll have to carry a good conversation on your own after the introduction, but at least it won’t look like you’re bragging when your friend is telling her good things about you. Also, being in the company of friends greatly cuts down on the awkwardness factor. Imagine being in a relaxed setting where your end goal is to have a good time – and not getting her phone number right there and then.
Think of it as a “pre-first date”; you get to see how she’s like in social situations, and it’s much easier to ask her out later on since you have the chance to build some rapport first. Plus, you don’t have to worry about keeping one person entertained the whole time either.
Most of all, you’ll get to gauge the level of interest between you two – helpful information before taking things up a notch. Sounds like a sweet deal, right? You get to have a good time while investing in your love life at the same time. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll still have fun so there’s NO PRESSURE to succeed right here and now.
To get into this kind of situation, you can tell your friends outright that you’re on the market. Ask them to bring along any single friends of their own but it doesn’t have to be a blind date. In fact, avoid blind dates altogether because it defeats the very purpose of going out with friends (the lack of awkwardness and pressure).
Instead, just ask your pals to bring along anyone to your group outings. They may even invite you to meet someone who they think might be a good match for you (provided that it’s NOT an actual date). There’s no shame to be found in asking for their help; chances are they’ll be more than happy to set you up.
To keep things light and fun, remind your friends not to tell those ladies that you’re on the lookout. All you need is the introduction so you can take it from there. Then, there’s the added dimension of extending your circle of friends into the virtual world. I don’t have to tell you that we’re living in the age of the Internet because that’s the very reason why you’re reading this in the first place. Therefore, there’s a huge chance you and your friends (and their cute friends) are probably part of an online social network such as the insanely popular Facebook.
Sites like these are an excellent place to complement your dating pursuits. If you’re already on one of these sites, check to see if your existing profile needs to be polished. This is a key component of your online efforts because your profile acts as a sort of social resume which should complement the most attractive aspects of your personality.
As a general rule of thumb, your profile should have just enough information to give everyone a hint of what a great guy you are, but not too long that it becomes boring to read. In the description, avoid putting anything cheesy or highly pretentious. It’s especially bad to make any direct or indirect references to sex because that just screams “DESPERATE”.
The vibe a reader should get is that you’re a cool guy who does and likes a lot of things. So include information about your hobbies, interests, passions or anything else that makes you a balanced and interesting kinda guy. As for the relationship status, go with “single and looking to date” or any similar option to that effect. You obviously don’t want to keep any prospects away by choosing a status that casts doubt on your availability, such as “it’s complicated”.
Of course, any self-respecting social networking site will allow its users to post photographic evidence of their hip and happening adventures in the offline world. Whether it’s mountain biking in the great outdoors or having an awesome time with your friends, your pictures should feature you in various upbeat social situations for evident reasons. Think along the lines of parties, concerts, comic book conventions and any other events which look interesting.
Now that you’ve sorted out the groundwork, it’s time to put yourself out there. Once your friends introduce you to someone that you find attractive, casually ask her if she’s on one of those sites. I’m betting your mutual friend has Ms. Attractive on his/her contact list anyway, so this shouldn’t be a problem. After you’ve added her up, wait for a couple of weeks before you start interacting with her online.
For starters, make a brief but funny comment on one of her pictures or status messages. While this is subjective ground to walk on, a lot of people will have the same idea of what’s annoying, creepy or stalker-ish (which is what you’ll want to AVOID here).
Remember, it needs to be light-hearted and casual at the beginning. After some time, you should be able to create enough comfort to ask her out on another group outing. Take the initiative to invite her to an event that you and your mutual friends are going to.
For example, if there’s a really cool band playing in the area you can tell her that she should come along because it’s going to be a lot of fun. Try something like, “Hey there, we’re going to watch _________ this weekend and I thought you might want to check them out as well.”
Eventually, you’ll be able to casually establish just the right amount of familiarity with your friend’s friend. If you’re feeling bold enough, take the chance of asking her out on an exclusive date. Now, don’t get any images of candlelit dinners or sappy stuff like that just YET. You don’t want to make the transition too jarring for her, right?
Start off with something as simple as asking her to come with you to check out some new releases at the record store or drop by the upcoming art exhibit at the museum. As casual as these dates may seem, it gives you an edge because again, she’s not pressured into a romantic scenario. At the same time, it gives you plenty of time to have shared experiences with her.
Who knows, one thing may lead to another in due time. If things start to develop between you two, it transpired in a totally relaxed setting. As far as the feminine perspective is concerned, this is PERFECT. Who is she to deny Fate if the lucky girl ends up being attracted to you along the way? Besides, she’d be blind not to SENSE your lingering interest behind the invitation.
The cool thing about it is that you’re not telegraphing your interest too LOUDLY or HASTILY. If she does agree to go out with you, she’s either on the same page as you are…or is WILLING to see what happens at the very least. Otherwise, be cool about it and move on with your life. Whatever happens, you’ll still end up with another friend in your life. Take comfort in the fact that your flourishing social network is chock-full of other people you can meet. THIS knowledge will keep you from pressuring yourself – OR her.
Just remember that social networking sites are NOT a replacement for a healthy social life. They’re only a means to meet great women in PERSON, and not merely exchanging emoticon chats or “pokes” with them. It may take a while for you to develop your network of online AND offline friends, but you just need to invest enough time and effort to make it WORK for YOU.
Once you’ve reached a level where you’re always going out and meeting new people, all you need to do is MAINTAIN it. The bottom line is that it’s NOT HARD at all to get your foot in the door. You just have to open your mind to the possibility that ending up with your dream girl can happen in the most casual or everyday kind of circumstances.
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