Wednesday, January 12, 2011

First Date Mistakes That Men Make

Common First Date Mistakes That Men Make
First date mistakes that occur most frequently are in the communication process - not communicating your meeting schedules properly, not being clear or being vague about what your expectations are (eg. are you looking for just a fling or are you looking for a soul mate?), your relationship status (eg. if you are seeking an affair and am already in a relationship, then this should be clearly stated in your online dating profile and/ or explained when you both make contact if this is not clearly expressed in your written profile).

Some profiles are so sparse in information about themselves or the person they seek or so vague or has a large amount of irrelevant content that it can be totally misleading and lead to different expectations and assumptions which can lead to disappointment on first dates.

First Date Mistakes Men Make Which Put Women Off:

  • Getting all physical on a first date - some hand-holding may be friendly enough but overly-friendly hugs, or making overtures for deep embraces and even kisses (apart from the cheek) does seem threatening to many women. Most women would expect you to give them all the time they need to get to know you and vice versa, that is, if you're genuinely interested in them rather than what's in their pants!
  • If you are only looking for sexual or casual encounters then you should make it very clear in your online dating profile so you don't offend your dates or get disappointed yourself.
  • Not communicating sufficiently regarding meeting for your dates  - a woman in 4-inch high-heels dressed for a 5-star restaurant will not appreciate your idea of a romantic, sunset dinner if it involves a 5-mile trek across muddy paddocks to get to your favourite picnic-haunt for roast-beef sandwiches (even if it's washed down with red wine) and a view of the setting sun. 
  •  Not telling her or being too vague or inaccurate about what you will be wearing and what you look like (even if you have sent her dozens of photos) so she doesn't embarrass herself by mistaking you for someone else (especially if you look years OLDER than your photos). 
  •  Not taking your mobile phones with you or not exchanging cell-phone numbers so you can locate each other if you are 'lost' in a crowded place. 
  • Not getting spruced up even though she says she is 'rolling down to meet you in her gardening clothes' (she does not wish you to know that she made alot of effort to groom herself up for your first date because she did not wish to come across as being too eager!) and you took her literally! (yup, we know, reading between the lines is way too difficult for a man ... sometimes). By sprucing up we do mean shave, brush your teeth, use deodorant and after-shave as well as don clean clothes! 
  • Not focussing solely on her but having the 'roving eye' syndrome where you are easily distracted by every skirt that walks past. This is disrespectful and rude and will not go down well as she will assume (logically) that you are a player and easily excitable/ distractable, with no self-control.
  • Expecting her to pay or go Dutch - if it's not clear on your profile or when you first contact each other then do be a gentleman and pay for her coffee unless she insists on paying for it herself. It is abit mean and stingy to expect the woman to pay especially if you were the one to make the first move.  And women especially more mature women do like men with old-world charms like gallantry and chivalry.  
  • Being gallant and possessing genuine courtesy doesn't hurt your reputation, on the contrary it will reflect well on you should your first-date progress amicably and you decide to pursue this further.
  • In fact whether or not you get subsequent dates with a particular person will depend on how well you present yourself (in the broadest sense of the word) at your FIRST encounter or date. First impressions do matter - alot!